From Dotcom 2 Da Bomb Part 2: How this Internet Bubble Is NOT like the 90s
What are the key differences between the current tech bubble and the 90s?
In Part One of our hastily constructed and factually dubious story, we discussed how this current technology bubble was giving weary ex-Yetties a few twinges in their PDA-addled fingers. However, there are several key differences this time around.Now, let’s talk about how this current tech bubble is NOT like the 90s.
Profits. This time around some of the companies actually have them.
Fun. In the New New Economy fun is nowhere to be found. One of the hardest-learned lessons from the those halcyon days of yore is that when your employees are getting drunk all day at company-sponsored rooftop barbeques as they get ready to get flown on a company-chartered jet to Las Vegas for a weekend of company-backed drinking, gambling, and hooking, no one is doing company-succeeding work.
Fewer Americans. The New New Economy has allowed jobs to finally be free–just as jobs have always dreamt. While many jobs are being outsourced and some Americans are falling behind in the skills race to hungry offshore talent, the upside is that some Americans are making even more money than before–so it really all evens out. This allows companies like American Express to keep funding R&D departments to dream up exclusive new credit card colors.
Social. This time, the concept of privacy is for dinosaurs. If users can’t tell everyone everywhere about everything they’re doing, then it is a worthless occurrence and probably didn’t happen. This may seem like a strange dichotomy, since more people than ever seem to loathe each other–but it’s best if you don’t look too deeply into stuff.
Mobile. Soon there won’t even be an Internet. If this bubble pops like so much sh*t splatting on a sidewalk, that sh*t will be in our pockets, purses, hands, and ears.
Convergence. A lot of things will be viewed on a lot of different things, instead of a couple things being viewed on separate things.
Content. This time around, web users are actually ingesting the content being created. In fact, they can’t get enough of it. This has allowed fat bearded men with pasty skin and masturbation-induced pallor to make six-figure incomes as YouTube giants.
Dogs. Now, a lot more people have their dogs crapping around the office. If you don’t want a coworker’s dog crapping in your workspace, then you’re a total asshole jackboot Republican.
Bicyclists. In the 90s, bicyclists still labored under rules and laws. Now, bicyclists are at the top of the heap, causing problems for motorists and killing pedestrians with the moral authority that comes from being eco-friendly.
Flip-flops. Since the 90s, foot sartorially has taken several steps down. Once considered the province of women with slender, lickable feet, now even beefy men with thick stump ankles and gnarled yellow toenails feel it is perfectly acceptable to wear flip-flops to Costco. This helpfully puts the onus of keeping their inappropriately clad feet protected onto you.
The economy. In the 90s, there was an economy.
San Francisco. It’s incredibly difficult to find design and engineering talent. This is because that after all the jobs went away the first time, everyone in San Francisco who didn’t hang themselves from a light post got accustomed to smoking pot and enjoying polysexual orgies down at the fancy coffee shop with the f*cking delicious pastries.
In: Smartphone · Tagged with: Bomb, Bubble, Dotcom, From, Internet, Like, Part, This